My Sugar Addiction Story – Hiding Candy and Dreaming of Donuts

I want to share with you all my sugar addiction story. Maybe you can relate to some of it? I’d love to read your story too so feel free to leave a comment below and tell us all how you came to be here!

My Story Begins

How much of our habits begin in our childhood? I really can’t say. But I’m sure my upbringing had some negative influences on my food choices today. My mom suffered with depression and low self-image. Our family also struggled financially so the foods we ate reflected that. I remember lots of hot dogs, mac & cheese, Little Debbie snack cakes, white bread pb & j sandwiches, things like that. I can’t blame my mom; she was doing the best she could to feed us on our tight budget.  I also remember that my mom was always yo-yo dieting. Over the years, she’s probably tried just about every diet out there. With no lasting success, sadly.

First Introduction to Healthy Living

By middle school, I was a heavy girl. Around 175 pounds. I didn’t really think about what I was eating or why I was fatter than most of my peers. Until my teenage hormones ramped up and I wanted to be thin and attractive for the boys. I discovered a book that my mom was reading that talked about gluttony. “Oh, I should only eat when I’m hungry and I should stop eating when I’m full.” That was a revelation surprisingly! Around that same time I decided to stop drinking soda and lay off the snack cakes. And my aunt introduced me to Billy Blanks Tae Bo. I enjoyed working out for the first time. In just a couple years, I dropped 50 pounds.

Going into high school I was now ‘skinny’. I remember being able to wear a size 0 pair of jeans once. My food choices were far from healthy. I worked at McDonald’s and ate tons of fast food. Pizza was my lunch choice every day. But I walked a lot and did aerobics videos so my metabolism kept up with the junk I put in. When I finally got married, I was a hard-fought 120 lbs so I could fit in my dress.

Sugar Addiction Creeps In

Marriage, financial difficulties, working overtime at a job I hated, all added up to crushing loads of stress. At work I kept a jar of chocolate candies on my desk. Always. Plus a perk of the job was free restaurant lunches every day, pastries and donuts for breakfasts, coffee and snacks always available. I was consuming carbs all day long. I also wasn’t getting enough sleep.

chocolate candies

Then we moved, I got to quit that job and stay at home, but I was isolated from family and friends. Food was an easy comfort. Thankfully I was able to get a discounted YMCA membership and enjoyed going there to work out as my “me time”. I slowly learned more about nutrition, tried a couple different diets, started buying organics and shopping at Whole Foods for ‘healthier’ groceries. My favorite was their indulgent chocolate raspberry cupcakes! I made a lot of mistakes and wasted a lot of money on expensive grocery shopping trips.

I grew and gave birth to 5 beautiful babies (not all at once thankfully!!). Life took its ups and downs. Always sugary desserts were there as comfort or reward. I lived a double life nutritionally. I learned about Paleo, organics, ketosis, and all the reasons to eat a whole food diet. Mostly I followed a healthy diet. Slowly adding more fruits and veggies. Slowly reducing the amount of processed foods we bought. Except for the sugar. Sigh. I just couldn’t let it go.

Where I Am Now

I tried doing a Whole30. It worked for a while until the last week when I caved in. And you aren’t supposed to make desserts with approved ingredients but I did anyway.

At holidays, I make and eat insane amounts of cookies and pies. At Easter, I sneak chocolates from my kids’ baskets. Same goes for their Halloween bags. At social functions I think about how I can get more cookies or cake without drawing too much attention. I always want dessert at restaurants even when I’m stuffed.

xmas cookies

For my daughter’s birthday I bought cupcakes. Then I had to buy her another cake because I ate the cupcakes (secretly when nobody was looking). I’ve hidden candy bars in my desk. And my purse. I’ve given my kids snacks just so I could eat them too without feeling guilty. I’ve consumed entire cartons of ice cream in one day. Yeah, sounds like an addiction to me.

I’ve talked to my husband about my problem. If sugar is in the house, I will eat it. It’s like I just can’t stop myself. He suggested I only eat one a day. Hmmm…okay. Nope, didn’t work. I ate it anyway.

Where Do I Go From Here?

I’m not grossly overweight but I’m far from healthy. In another post I’ll tell you about the things my sugar addiction is doing to my body. And what happened this week that pushed me to finally decide to quit. For good. I know I need to finally, once and for all, make my stand.

My sugar addiction story isn’t over yet. If this is a true addiction, it can be broken. Alcoholics can do it. Smokers can do it. So I can do it too. Like a heroin addict, I cannot go back for a hit. For me, it must be a clean break. Cold turkey. All or nothing. Is that extreme? Yes. Am I worth it? YES!

 

Will you come along beside me? I’m here for you too. Just drop a comment below if you’re struggling (or overcoming) sugar addiction too.

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